Allowing Sandpaper Moments to Rub You the Right Way

Sandpaper moments.… Those moments or situations that get under your skin and rub you the wrong way. We’ve all been there, done that.
One visitor to the blog, who recently read Creating Empty Bottle Moments, wrote that she had previously considered her kitchen in its entirety to be a sandpaper moment. Why? Simple. In today’s overscheduled world, the steps involved in shopping, chopping, cooking and serving have become just more requirements on the daily mile-long to-do list. However, after deciding to rethink the sandpaper, she began to see that those actions were stepping stones in caring for loved ones and nurturing the family relationship. Suddenly, the scratch of irritation in meal preparation was replaced with the gift of meals with a purpose.
Ttransforming sandpaper moments is oftentimes a matter of attitude and perspective. For Sara, it had been a brutally long day. She sent the kids upstairs to tidy their rooms and tackle their homework so she you can slip into the kitchen and "whip up" something in a snap. Uh oh. In came little Kate, who begged to mix the ingredients. Sara’s mind was suddenly filled with visions of a flour-flocked child, an unnecessary mess and a very necessary clean up that would prolong her already tiresome day. In an instant, Sara was rubbed the wrong way, even though nothing had actually happened. The good news is that once Sara took a deep breath and stepped back for a moment, a different perspective came into view… one that reflected a child’s love offered in the form of "helping" mommy. By welcoming the assistance, Sara gave Kate a sense of purpose as she assisted with the meal preparation and allowed her to learn first-hand the value of helping a parent who was tired to the bone. Equally important, Sara demonstrated to Kate that she was an asset, not an in-the-way liability.
Just this week I received an email that said "Mr Berkman you are still crawling, you talk the talk, however, in my opinion you do not walk the walk. You're trying to sell something I don't believe you have bought yourself. It appears to me that you are not at peace with yourself, hence, so overpowering, in the sense that you have yet to aquire good listening skills" I have had to look at this and say Why and What? but most importantly HOW? How can I learn from this moment How can I do better in living in this world to make a difference not to me but to others?
No matter what the circumstances, the people, the reason or the season, most sandpaper moments will be transformed into smoother scenarios. It’s all a matter of perspective, and perspective is a personal choice. Next time you are faced with rough sandpaper, step back for a moment. Re-evaluate. Re-think. And rejoice.
With the holidays approaching, you will have ample opportunities to celebrate with family and friends. My new book, Creating Empty Bottle Moments, offers some simple yet effective tips, as well as some easy-to-follow recipes that will provide a delicious backdrop for turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. To order your copy today, please visit www.cookingwithclive.com.
As always, I encourage you to keep creating your own versions of Empty Bottle Moments — those meaningful times shared with family and friends. I also invite you to e-mail your personal stories about smoothing out sandpaper moments and creating memories around the dining room table and at mealtime.

Enjoy this great fish recipe.....................

Fish in a garlic bath
2/3 cup olive oil 20 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced thinly 1 teaspoon salt 1/2 teaspoon of ground black pepper 2/3 cup clam juice or fish stock Juice of 3 limes, about 1/4 cup 1 ancho chile, stemmed, seeded and chopped 1 bunch flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped

6 6-ounce skinless, boneless filets of fresh fish
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Season fish filets with salt and pepper. Heat a large cast iron or heavy bottomed skillet over moderately high heat. When hot add 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil. Sear fish fillets about 1-2 minutes per side or until lightly golden, remove to a oven proof platter and set in oven to finish cook for 3-5 minutes or, to desired doneness. Meanwhile add the remaining olive oil, slivered garlic, salt and pepper to the pan and cook over medium low heat stirring often for about 2 minutes. Add chopped ancho chiles and continue cooking a minute or two until a toasty aroma is released. Add the fish stock or clam juice reduce by half, adding any juices that have collected on the platter holding the fish fillets. Then add lime juice and parsley, bring sauce to a boil and pour over fish on platter. Serve immediately along with plenty of white rice.

Life’s Greatest Asset.......and agreat recipe for baked chocolate tort..and a little lagniappe

World news is sharply focused on the declining value of people’s assets — home values, stock portfolios and retirement accounts.
But beyond the tangible assets stands the most precious asset of all: people. Our families. Friends. Business associates. Neighbors. And the list goes on. Through good times and rough waters, the value of our "people assets" will continue to increase if we protect and nurture our relationships.

Assets are something we want to hold on to. Liabilities we want to get rid of........
With an over scheduled lifestyle ranking as the rule vs. the exception, relationships become "inconvenient," taking a back seat to the to-do list, social pressures and non-stop activities. A child needs assistance with math homework. "Not now, "says the parent, "I’m busy." A teenager needs to discuss a personal problem that has darkened the entire school week. "I need to get this done tonight. Let’s talk about it tomorrow," comes the parent’s reply. A husband and wife need to reconnect at the end of he day and share some one-on-one time, but the Blackberry, telephone, mail and domestic responsibilities turn them off course and before you know it, the day is over.

Mealtime represents one of the most opportune times to reconnect, refocus and re energize. Just a few simple steps can put the focus back on people and the assets they represent in life.
• Turn off all the gadgets and tools of technology during mealtime. Digital recorders, voice mail, e-mail and text messaging serve a purpose, but they should not be more important to you than people and relationships.
• If you are tiptoeing back into family mealtime, keep it simple. It may take a few meals to get everyone into the swing, but consistency will allow mealtime to take on an entirely new meaning.
• Include everyone. From toddlers to teens, children can — and should — be included in meal preparation. From shopping to chopping, everyone can be part of the action in some way. Allow different members of the family to determine the menu on certain nights, although be sure the menu isn’t limited to gummy bears and ice cream! Although, upon further consideration, that combination could make a fun and interesting dessert, so keep your ears and mind open to new possibilities.
When it’s impossible to gather the family for a meal, make a point to sit down at some point during the day. If dad is working late, have everyone share dessert later in the evening. If a child has a soccer game and another has ball practice, have some family time before turning in for the evening. If spouses have crazy daytime schedules, get up slightly earlier and start the day with coffee and uninterrupted conversation.
It’s invigorating to hear from so many of you each week, and I’m humbled to share a few snip-its of your insight in creating Empty Bottle Moments.
• Charlene has committed to never feeling guilty about having her family gather at the table for mealtime, for she has experienced first-hand the value of consistent daily interaction.
• Andrew holds on to fond memories of mealtime with his immigrant family and can still smell the Sunday morning aromas that filled their home as his mother prepared a special soup or afternoon lunch.
• Carol use those precious moments after school as "transition time" for the kids to shift gears from student to child. By joining her children at the kitchen table to share a snack, swap stories about their day and finalize dinner plans, the remainder of the day starts on an up-beat note.
• And Maria, a member of the Empty Bottle Moments Facebook group, views the journey in creating Empty Bottle Moments as life-changing: "one minute, one day, one flame at a time."
Keep focusing on creating your own version of Empty Bottle Moments — those meaningful times shared with family and friends… the people assets that need and deserve your care and protection. The possibilities are endless. And remember:

The process is more important than perfection.

Baked Chocolate Tort
20 Ounces Chocolate (I use a blend of 70 and 58 % cocoa solids)
3 Sticks unsalted butter
4 Large Eggs
2/3 Cup Sugar
10 inch parchment lined cake pan
Break chocolate into pieces and melt with butter over a double boiler. Stir occasionally until smooth. Allow to cool.
Beat eggs and sugar in a bowl until they are three times their volume
Add 1/4 of the egg mixture at a time to the chocolate and fold in with a plastic spatula, mix gently and thoroughly until all the mixture is incorporated.
Pour the batter into the pan and bake at 325 for 10 minutes.
The cake will be soft to the touch, not firm.
Serve cold with a dollop of ice cream or sour cream.

or as:

Chocolateaux:

After the tort has set scrape small pieces of it off and roll into small balls Then roll each ball in a mixture of half cocoa and chocolate shavings.

Keep in refrigerator and allow to come to room temperature before eating...ALways be seated when you eat these...

The Dining Room Table Revisited

Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hanukkah. Easter. Birthdays. Dinner parties.

Chances are, you have fond memories about meals shared around the dining room table on these special occasions…memories filled with laughter, purpose and the meaning of the season… the reasons for celebrations that have brought family and friends together.

You may remember the winery slogan that boldly promised, "We serve no wine before its time." The concept of patiently waiting for the right time has become lost on our fast-pedaling, race-the-clock society. From freezer to microwave, we rush to prepare a meal in minutes, using time as a barometer of efficiency and success. To survive today’s to-do list, far too many meals are consumed from paper bags and take-out containers. And out-of-whack priorities find families eating in the car and on the go, or silently in front of the television, even perhaps coming and going as work and after-school schedules mandate. These meals are taking place "before their time," served in haste rather than meaningful purpose.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself — and others — is to return to the dining room table. There, relationships are nurtured and blessed not only by a nutritious meal, but also conversation, laughter and time. Meals shared around the table bring with them the sweetest of icings on the cake, yielding meals with a meaning beyond the food itself. Your hunger for deeper relationships will be fed by interaction with love ones, as well as the thought and care spent on food preparation. And in doing so, you will create Empty Bottle Moments — special times that improve and enhance relationships.
It’s exciting to hear from so many of you about the impact Empty Bottle Moments are having on your lives. Among them:

• Maria’s childhood memories of supper at the dining table with a family of ten led her to add candle tapers to mealtimes with her grandsons. In doing so, she transforms ordinary meals into special candlelight dinners that instill in her grandchildren the importance and simplicity of turning something simple and ordinary into something extraordinary. Maria is also confident that she is paying it forward, as her grandson’s wives and families will one day benefit from the belief that everyday occurrences can bring special meaning.
• Gabrielle’s family is plating their dinner on china and enjoying meals in the formal dining room. Her children have become so energized by the focus on family time that they are lending helping hands in the kitchen and using scooping melon balls for the family’s fruit serving.
• Elizabeth has put her two children in charge of table preparations, whereby they determine lighting, set the table, select topics of conversation and, on occasion, make place cards or pick flowers for the table — the lagniappe of special care that reflect an extra measure taken to create Empty Bottle Moments.
• Scott has turned clean-up duties, an otherwise unpopular conclusion to mealtime, into an opportunity to pitch in while also engaging his wife in uninterrupted one-on-one conversations that they both anxiously anticipate each evening.

Your return to the dining room table costs nothing, although it yields rich rewards and life-long memories. Give it a try tonight. You will be pleasantly surprised and your family abundantly blessed. And remember, it’s the process, not perfection, that matters.

To learn more about creating memories around the dining room table and at mealtime, or if you would like to share your suggestions and celebrations, please visit my web site at www.cookingwithclive.com.